"And if they don't have an alibi, will Israel stop ?"

I'm a fraud. I am fascinated by storytelling media, I love movies and I'm trying to watch more. I tell myself I'm this artistic minded guy. I tell myself that I will someday write that novel and never do it like real wannabe artists but I'm not even that. I don't *feel* it. I don't know what to do about it.
I felt this. I'm very lost now.