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When Michael Caine was narrating and was like “But you’re not really looking” I actually wasn’t looking and had been on my phone for like 40 minutes. So yeah I didn’t get the ending woops.

$8 million budget and looks like it was filmed on a blackberry. Outrageously odd acting/ line deliveries (wtf was actress playing Hannah doing) and they had Naomi Harris, one of the most gorgeous actresses alive, with a faux hawk Karen cut looking like Miranda from Sex and The City season 3. A bizarrely flawed film. I liked it!!!

An intrusively 2011 movie. When Mila Kunis and all the cool girls who drank beer and watched sports in their underwear ruled the culture.

An extra star for the Gay Woody Harrelson best friend character saying "I'm not taking a ferry. Unless it's to a dinner and a show"

Apex rom com. It doesn't get better than this. I have a very blurry memory of moms everywhere being obsessed with this movie. I now completely understand why.

A perfect ensemble. Every character has soft but realised lore to them. Not one performance that wasn’t excellent. Changes genre at least two or three times yet it works flawlessly. I wanna go again!!!!

Great erotic spy thriller but the only thing that took me out of it is I don’t believe under any circumstances Blanchett’s character would get a coffee from Pret A Manger.

Never been prouder to have a Gaelic name (I have no Irish ancestry)

Everyone was saying “it’s literally Little Mermaid” and I thought oh just cause it’s got mermaids in it everyone’s saying that but no this is literally bar for bar the synopsis of ‘The Little Mermaid’ happening alongside the Witcher. And I had fun.

The most abhorrent and offensive shit show of a movie. Can't wait to watch it three times a year for the rest of my life.

More stressful than Uncut Gems and Anora combined.

I’m over excited and was tempted to give this five stars because GOSH this was so delightful. Mickey 17 was a triple threat. A fantastic sci fi, a fantastic comedy and a fantastic romance. Rufallo and Collette are literal pantomime villains and it’s perfect.

Congratulations to Leo Woodall for making me find a blonde man attractive. I hope you're happy.

At risk of sounding like a dumb gen z ipad baby, it's crazy how modern this feels for 1995. It's comforting to know that even then, girls and gays were just having fun and figuring their shit out.

I was really not prepared for Antonio Banderas to be the star of this film for me. I also feel like I’m not supposed to like the ending but I really did. Maybe I had all the wrong takeaways from this but hey ho.

If Ryan Murphy directed Ex Machina.

I watched this when I was like 5 years old because my grandad fell asleep with this playing on the TV and it shaped me into the man I am today.

I was having so much fun in the first act of this movie and then the twist was just down right upsetting and unpleasant. Kravitz handled the second act very irresponsibly in my opinion and honestly it was feeling very Sam Levinson. By which I mean, gratuitous horrible sexual violence but it’s okay because we get a big girl-boss moment. Really strong performances from Naomie and Adrian. This really could have been so strong but some poor form directorial decisions spoiled it big time. At least it wasn’t boring I guess?

This movie fully developed my frontal lobe and now I’m gonna lock in and change my life.

I don't tend to really crave this genre of film to be honest. Cozy seasonal period comedy drama with an academia setting (Dead Poets, Good Will Hunting etc) are not necessarily my drink of choice but if you put it down in front of me i'll still drink it and like it. I'm just not part of the "ugh they don't make em like this anymore" camp. Like, no they don't. Because it's a homage to a past era we are not in anymore. So that would be why.

This is just the average gay mans friendship group to be honest.

If movies like 'Terrifier' are torture porn, then the 'Smile' franchise is hopeless porn. I watching 'Drag Me To Hell' when I was like 10 and being really upset about it for a year. Not because it was scary, gory or disturbing. Because it was cruel. I realised that i'm just not a fan of cruel horror. Everything that the fans of these types of movies will get a kick out of and think is awesome, is what i'm going to grimace over.

I can only speak from objectives here and objectively the editing is cool as hell, Naomi Scott was...wow I really was not familiar with her game and then the special effects were really expertly done. I didn't like this film. But I don't like tiramisu. I'm not gonna say tiramisu is not delicious cause that would be a lie alot of people fucking love tiramisu. Smile 2 is my cruel callous macabre bloody tiramisu.

Can never hold it together when he sings ‘Heavens light’. Tears mama. Every time. And then the transition to ‘Hellfire’ core blimey it absolutely rocks me.

It beckons a younger version of me that I had completely forgotten about. A fourteen year old version of me that had just moved half way across the world. Who was so incredibly lonely, so sad, so closeted and who as a result, hyper fixated on tv shows (Legend of Korra was my Pink Opaque)

A cautionary tale on what happens when you deny the most true and authentic version of you. All set to the soundtrack of literally my favourite artists. I wanna give the weird 'superwholock' tumblr girls in my old high school a hug. Thank you for being my Maddy Wilsons.

The soft world building was cool like yeah I didn’t need two hours spoon feeding me lore about the story and the universe that we were in but I also just wanted to be a bit more interested and excited about it. And by the time I finally got there, it was in the last 30 minutes. Which was pretty rad in all fairness.

Two electric leads with great chemistry giving us 'Normal People' meets
'Drive' meets...I don't know 'Gods Own Country' for some reason? It's a little rough around the edges but I appreciate that this film took two unlikely people, who's story in any other media would be played up as comedic, and showed their relationship from beginning to end in the most sincere way.

‘He’s coming’

This movie really challenged my understanding of what makes a film erotic. By no means is this a sexy movie. But there is this darkness that looms closer and closer, filling you with dread. ‘Nosferatu’ likens that sensation of dread to something almost like the moment before climax. 

It explores and dissects the anatomy of fear. And in particular Ellen’s greatest fear. That this macabre horror that haunts her may be her greatest desire. This dark fate may be the one thing she wants more than anything. 

Really long winded way of describing ‘Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development’ but yeah this is basically that but just a lot more emo.

The high value nuclear couple is a successful rich breadwinning women and her hot sexy loser boyfriend who has a band.

These are two very perverted little weirdos. Good for them!

Just a jump scare of some of my least favourite people in the entire world Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Fallon, Jameela Jamil it just gets more and more terrifying.

I love rom coms that have multiple protagonists with all my heart but all these couples should have split up except for Taraji and her beautiful broke chef man. Wendy Williams steals the show.

This was too intense to write a sincere review for so here are few quippy one liners I came up with I couldn't decide on just one.

- Need five hours of Daniel Craig and Jason Schwartzman just queening out together

- When Caroline Polacheck said "Desire, I want to turn into you" this is what she was talking about

- A movie about not killing the part of you that is cringe, but the part of you that cringes

- When Sky Ferriera said 'Everything is Embarrassing' she was talk about Daniel Craig in 'Queer'

- The Omar Apollo fans are gonna have two jump scares. One negative. One positive.

Okay that's it thank you. It was really good!

Eva Mendes wearing glasses, a blazer and a Beatles t shirt. That’s my review.

“No man is an island”

“I’M A BLOODY ISLAND I’M BLOODY IBIZA”

Why was the sons babysitter Liza Minnelli?

Could be THE movie moment of 2024. The last 15 minutes of this movie are drawn out so expertly. One of the most epic, exiting and emotionally rewarding endings. You could feel everyone in the audience holding their breath not knowing if they wanted to break out into applause or cry.

I love how people who hate musicals are all still watching and adoring ‘Wicked’ because how are you supposed to listen to Cynthia Erivos voice and not be enchanted? And not be tickled and charmed by Ariana’s delicious comic ability?

Whatever this shit is, is my sexual orientation.

"They're seuwing me!!"

Jodie Comer is giving a deep harrowing agonisingly good performance. Then the boys are delivering a camp high school production of Hamlet. It's like a muppets movie where everyone else is a muppet except for Jodie Comer.

Follow this with ‘Bones and All’ for the perfect Reagan era serial killer love story double feature.

What a fun and wasted concept. This movie needed way more of Aubrey Plaza, way more of the main girl just hanging out with her friends and family and a whole lot less of that very odd romance plot line.

This movie turned me into a prison abolitionist when I was 18

My favourite movie this week was in fact not Anora and was a movie about a wild robot discovering how to love.

This movie love-bombed me. First hour hacked me up on so much joy and I was just overflowing with dopamine. Then it gives me teeth gritting anxiety and then finally it rips it all out my hands and crushes me. I feel hurt and i'm taking it personally.

I watch this movie once every couple of months. I firmly refute the “this movie is too long” people I could have watched 3 hours of this.

This is the quintessential rom com. Sandra Bullock on my screen is like a big fat syringe of dopamine straight into my veins every time.

Immaculate vibes, amazing hair, phenomenal house.

I will never not talk about how this movie is a metaphor for how a girls coming of age turns her world into a living nightmare.

There's whimsigoth and then theres whimsigloomy. This is the latter and it's perfect. It's crazy I put watching this movie off for years and it's one of the greatest films ever made.

I was trying to gaslight myself into not letting the discourse sway my opinion by pretending that this got rave reviews and Oscar noms. It didn’t work I still thought it was kind of bad.

The most envelope pushing feminist film of 2013 that got released in 2022 instead so is now kind of corny as hell. 

I still had a fun time though the houses were gorgeous.