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Like the original trilogy, this was aggressively fine. Better paced than Prom Night, at least.

So many people who could/have run their own movies (Ed Helms, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, maybe more?) showing up for single scenes almost makes it interesting on its own.

The bus scare reprise is so bad it has to be on purpose, but the hilarious "freeze-frame - no wait!" at the end makes up for it either way.

There are better Stephen King prison movies.

There are better Hanks/Sinise movies.

There are better movies with Tom Hanks pissing.

But it's still pretty good.

Too damn long and was the first sign of the tone deaf/out of touch Apatow to come, but if I was dying I'd probably use it as an excuse to get back with Leslie Mann too, so I get it.

Also the fake Sandler movies are incredibly spot on.

Not nearly as funny as this deep a talent pool should be offering up (how the hell do you turn Kate McKinnon into a background extra?), but as I've said before, now that studios can't be bothered to make comedies it's always nice to go back and watch one I missed.

Good thing I have therapy this week because I forgot I am weirdly attracted to Mrs Carmody and I need to explore that.

" leave the babies alone."

I miss Jeff Burr :(

Still chewing on this. There's a lot to like and all of the actors are phenomenal, and it's a testament to how much people love Flanagan that so many recognizable actors will show up for quick roles that barely even count as cameos. But I can't help but feel like the first 40 minutes of the movie are the most compelling and thought-provoking.

There's also an amazing ALL THAT JAZZ joke.

If a goopy skeleton monster appears in my house and says theyre actually the person I had amazing sex with a while ago and if I help them kill some people we can bang again, I would at least ask for ID.

#JaiBless

The weakest of McQuarrie's entries. Far too long but uneventful, characters repeating the mission goals ad nauseum, and the momentum it finally started having with the cabin/knife fights was killed by the mid-film submarine sequence, which featured absolutely zero suspense.

Definitely the weaker of the two Ving Rhames films where someone has a glowing orange box.

"He has nothing to say."

Haven't seen this in ages. I don't think I ever even realized the guy Stallone beats to get to the finals is Coach from SHOCKER. That guy sure had a niche: absolutely ridiculous movies with killer soundtracks and an actor from Copland.

Obligatory refresh viewing before final reckoning. I forgot how many weird cuts there two angles of the same person when they're talking. Still one of my faves though, despite the dumb thing that happens about 2 hours in.

"Your name is Jimp?"

When it's not meandering, it's just unpleasant. I can't tell if the sound stage location helps or hinders it.

The story doesn't always fully engage because of the repetitive structure and total lack of characterization for the victims (most SAW characters have more backstory) but the production design, humor, and of course Price more than make up for it.

Big screen viewing! I always forget that one of the random girls in gym class looks like my wife circa 2002.

Not actually as good as the first one but Ben Affleck country dancing and pretty much any scene with him and Bernthal bro-ing out makes up for the boring plot.

It never really dawned on me how funny it is that Mrs V dragged Annie's body back through the woods to put in her car, and then drove around with it all day.

A laugh-free comedy. Good soundtrack though.

Goofy af but it still kinda works!

*Tim Robinson drivers ed voice* TABLES!

Jake Weber: Action Hero should have been a thing.

The costumes were in the lobby of the AMC where I was seeing Thunderbolts, and I was like "Hey I haven't watched this in years, I'll put it on when I get home."

And David "Red Guardian" Harbour pops up in this! Double feature about broken people in desperate need to be loved.

Probably a 3.5 but since it's the first Marvel movie in years to actually do something interesting in its 3rd act I'll bump.

Some good firefights, zero compelling characters or story beats.

Probably more like 2.5 but the cast is so stacked I'll be nice. Stacy Keach in a summer blockbuster is nothing to scoff at!

Felt like watching someone else go through a Universal Horror Nights maze, right down to the haphazard "why is there a _______ in here jumping out at us?" approach to scares. Some of which were effective! But it wore real thin for me.

Essential and ideal entry. It both plays on your expectations of how these things play out while also satisfying series' needs. And has what may be the darkest joke in the whole franchise.

(If you've seen it, it involves briefly reprising 5s idea of getting someone's time)

Big screen viewing! As one of the nine people to see it in theaters in 1999 it was great to see it with an actual crowd.

I miss Walker, I miss movies like this, and I miss Fringe (John Noble popped up briefly so I figured I'd mention it).

I have zero inclination to be an actor, but if I ever was one, all I would want is to have a scene where the movie has to come to a total stop for me to do something completely pointless, like the one here with Don Calfa cuts off his torn pants.

This review may contain spoilers.

The Everclear song was the least effective clue for my 90s loving ass.

5 didn't do as well because people didn't like this one (even though it's a delight) and that's why we had to wait 15 years for part 6.

But what if everyone listened to me in 2009 and enjoyed it? We could have changed Death's (Hollywood's) plans and been on Final Destination 9 by now.

Oh hell yeah. Didn't know it was gonna be an all one night.(and day, ok) movie! Catnip

Not as funny as I found it when I was 11 but I still like it anyway.

Sure.

An R rated monster movie where the best parts focus on a robot talking about god.

This one leaves such a little impression on me that I forgot I watched it a year and a half ago until I went to log it here.

Part of the problem is the
Rube Goldberg sequences feel uninspired and even confusing at times. The opening disaster and the tricentennial sequence are pretty great, the rest feels too on rails (intentional?) for me.

This review may contain spoilers.

The better of the two movies where a blonde lady escapes her abusive relationship into the arms of Brandon Sklenar.

Half star bump for the remote control truck payoff.

At a certain point there's a thing that happens and I think the movie needed a clearer distinction of WHEN that actually happened. Solid performances from the two leads and at times quite gripping, but the end left me a bit cold.

Had to laugh that the end credits actually clarify a plot point.

Suffers a little from the usual 'short expanded to feature' issues but I'm a sucker for movies that have their own set of world rules and only our hero seems to think it's wrong/weird.

Also the funniest body flop from a car crash since Meet Joe Black

This review may contain spoilers.

Kevin Durand as an old timey clown: CINEMA.

DAD STUFF (catnip for me) but also vampires and also Jocelin Donahue in frilly dresses. BC approved!

Most I've liked one of DC's in a long time. And Guy Pearce actually says the word "Lockout" at one point, which delighted me.

RIP Val.

Kinda loved this? Maybe due to my own experiences with toxic friendships and narcissists, so YMMV, but man. Home run.

Also A+ duolingo gags.

My ranking of the ALIEN franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Alien
2. Aliens
3. Alien³
4. Prometheus
5. Alien: Covenant
6. Alien Resurrection
7. Alien: Romulus
8. AVP: Alien vs. Predator
9. Aliens vs Predator: Requiem

This has nothing to do with the quality or scares or whatever. This is purely ranked by how much effort the production put into making it feel like Halloweentime.

• Halloween III: Season of the Witch
• Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
• Halloween II
• Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
• Halloween Kills
• Halloween
• Halloween Ends
• Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
• Halloween
• Halloween: Resurrection

...plus 3 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of M Night Shyamalan's movies (minus the first two, which I haven't seen but has anyone?). It is indisputable.

1. Unbreakable
2. The Sixth Sense
3. Signs
4. The Visit
5. Old
6. Split
7. Knock at the Cabin
8. Trap
9. The Village
10. After Earth

...plus 4 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Hellraiser franchise. It... might be disputable, actually. I've only seen everything after 5 once.

• Hellraiser
• Hellbound: Hellraiser II
• Hellraiser
• Hellraiser: Bloodline
• Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth
• Hellraiser: Inferno
• Hellraiser: Judgment
• Hellraiser: Deader
• Hellraiser: Revelations
• Hellraiser: Hellseeker

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Child's Play franchise. It is indisputable.

• Child's Play
• Child's Play 2
• Child's Play 3
• Curse of Chucky
• Bride of Chucky
• Cult of Chucky
• Seed of Chucky
• Child's Play

My ranking of the Saw franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Saw III
2. Saw
3. Saw VI
4. Saw II
5. Saw X
6. Spiral: From the Book of Saw
7. Saw IV
8. Saw V
9. Saw 3D
10. Jigsaw

My ranking of the Conjuring franchise. It is indisputable.

1. The Conjuring
2. The Conjuring 2
3. Annabelle Comes Home
4. The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
5. The Nun II
6. Annabelle
7. Annabelle: Creation
8. The Nun
9. The Curse of La Llorona

My ranking of the Children of the Corn franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest
2. Children of the Corn
3. Children of the Corn: Runaway
4. Children of the Corn
5. Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice
6. Children of the Corn: Genesis
7. Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror
8. Children of the Corn
9. Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering
10. Children of the Corn: Revelation

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Fast and Furious franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Fast Five
2. Fast & Furious 6
3. Furious 7
4. The Fast and the Furious
5. Fast & Furious
6. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
7. Fast X
8. The Fate of the Furious
9. F9
10. 2 Fast 2 Furious

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Scream franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Scream
2. Scream 2
3. Scream
4. Scream VI
5. Scream 3
6. Scream 4

My ranking of Michael Bay's films. It is indisputable.

1. Armageddon
2. The Rock
3. Pain & Gain
4. Bad Boys
5. Pearl Harbor
6. The Island
7. Transformers
8. 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi
9. Transformers: The Last Knight
10. Transformers: Age of Extinction

...plus 5 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. It is indisputable.

1. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
3. Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
6. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
7. Leatherface
8. Texas Chainsaw 3D
9. The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

My ranking of the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Silent Night, Deadly Night
2. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
3. Silent Night
4. Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker
5. Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation
6. Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

My ranking of the Halloween franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Halloween
2. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
3. Halloween III: Season of the Witch
4. Halloween
5. Halloween II
6. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
7. Halloween II
8. Halloween Kills
9. Halloween Ends
10. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

...plus 3 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Shocker franchise. It is indisputable.

1. Shocker

My ranking of the Friday the 13th franchise. It is indisputable.
Note: the star ratings occasionally seem at odds. This is ranked by how much it delivers what I want from a F13 experience, not quality of film. So while Jason X may be cruddy and have a bad Jason design, it's still more in line with what I want from these things than the technically superior JGTH. Make sense? No? I don't care.

1. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
2. Friday the 13th Part 2
3. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
4. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
5. Friday the 13th
6. Friday the 13th Part III
7. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
8. Friday the 13th
9. Jason X
10. Freddy vs. Jason

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My ranking of the Elm Street franchise. It is indisputable.

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street
2. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
3. New Nightmare
4. A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge
5. Freddy vs. Jason
6. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
7. A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child
8. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
9. A Nightmare on Elm Street