It could lose the first act with no real damage to the plot. There's one important death, which is staged in a fun way but takes ages to get to; should've crammed it in elsewhere. As soon as Ethan Hunt dives into the choppy north Atlantic, this is an above-grade cartoon action movie. Before that it's a waste of time that makes you ask who Cruise and "McQ" are trying to entertain.

The length is indulgent, but really, the whole…

I've now spent more than half a day on earth watching this series to the end. The thought of owning it on blue-ray makes me queasy. I can it how wonderful 80s horror makes me feel, and I can have a great afternoon riffing on this with someone who wears a "Joe Bob's Last Drive-In" shirt to the baby shower.

But owning it? On a shelf? Where a girl could see it? No, I am going to stay a tourist.…