6u532b

Couldn't believe how brutally on the nose the subtext in this shit was only for them to get to the end and one character say to the other, "OMG they're just like the four horsemen, did you catch the subtext??"

What can be said about Thirthirteenen Ghosts that hasn't already been said.

Watched on Monday May 26, 2025.

Watched on Monday May 26, 2025.

Pointless torture porn for French sex pests

Watched on Saturday May 24, 2025.

Watched on Thursday May 22, 2025.

Watched on Wednesday May 21, 2025.

This review may contain spoilers.

Final Destination Flatlines is fucking whack. Just a CGI sludgefest with no interesting kills. No the fucking magical magnet machine that only magnetises the exact objects needed to kill people wasn't good it was shit. No the unrealistically maniacally evil cunt kid in the opening dying in a big CGI jam splat isn't "earned" or in any way indicative of quality. It's shit, cheap heat and you are a prisoner of the moment if you thought that was good.

The Tetsuya Nomura-esque need for this series to constantly over-underexplain and retcon every insiginificant detail instead of coming up with a good story is annoying. Because the first flick was a good movie. Two was a bit shit but had some iconic kills. The rest have been downhill ever since.

The gimmick of this one is that they are now trying to retcon the whole entire franchise to have been caused by one event in the 1950s and Death has been cleaning up ever since. I don't think this makes any fucking sense. The minute you think about what happened in any of the other movies, that's clearly NOT what happened.

Either way the moment to moments of the film suck dick. Everyone is a complete cunt and arsehole just so you don't feel bad about them dying, which also has the effect of making it so you simply don't give a fuck about what you're watching. The main bint is annoying beyond all belief. The dude with the nose ring is the only one with a personality and even they were so uninterested in him he gets character assassinated from scene to scene - he's the thoughtful smart one who looks out for his brother up until all of the fucking points he starts doing stupid shit that almost keeps killing his fucking brother.

Everyone is dumb as fuck in this and just goes along with the plot. None of them believe it up until the exact moment they all believe it 100%. And that's each and every one of their motivations and development.

Even crazy psychic grandma who is supposed to know everything about Death and has been avoiding him for years in her "safe house" is actually revealed to have been living in a rickity old death trap that kills anyone who so much as looks at the fucking place immediately. Why does it just blow up when they get there? Why didn't it "just blow up" and kill grandma the past fifty fucking years?

Also the whole film is so dark you can't see a thing that's supposed to be happening for about 80% of the runtime. The deaths are CGI blood and jelly that look crap so even if you don't care about it trying to tell a story - there is just nothing here to make it worth watching.

Tony Todd has the only good scene in the entire movie, he's awesome, RIP to the legend. Just too bad it comes after they predictibly ruin the whole entire mystique of his character with their crappy plot that's completely incongruous with the rest of his character's appearances.

The fucking ending is atrocious. And the pace of the flick is fucking dire by the way - act one is most of the movie, feels short because nothing happens, act 2 is about literally five minutes long and then all of the deaths are crammed straight into the fifteen minute act 3. So they redo the drowning to cheat death bit from FD2, even though it didn't work in that movie either. And the characters think it works and nothing happens for presumably a while after. Up until the exact second they find out that drowning doesn't make your heart stop so wouldn't have worked. Then they die. The only reason it works until the moment it doesn't is 100% to try and trick the audience but actually makes no sense to the characters in-universe and cannot be explained in lore.

So anyway, they get run over by a train and then some logs fly in magically out of literal nowhere and squashes them just so they can ape the log death from FD2 because that's the meme one the zoomsters know about from ticktock, brother. But not too scary because coddled kids these days might piss and shit themselves were a horror to occur in a fucking horror film.

By the way, they also throw in new lore that makes no sense whatsoever from absolutey out of nowhere. Final Destination works on Shinigami death god from Death Note rules now - so if Death is after you and you do some murders you can suck up the remaining years that person had to live. How the fuck does that work? Can you live forever if you kill enough people? Don't know, never explained. The film toys with the idea of having anything interesting happen at all by having one character consider murdering all of the babies in a maternity ward. But it's played off as a joke and thrown out as an idea worth exploring in any light immediately because those same infants are the ones who wrote the script. What's even the point? Imagine how fucking interesting and cool it would be if someone actually tried to become a serial killer because of this. They could have even done that plot with the crazy grandma for example... Just absolutely no desire to actually WRITE FICTION. Phoned in pure detritus.

Look forward to seeing how the next one retcons the fact that Death has now killed literally everyone on his list meaning there couldn't possibly be another sequel following on from this. Bollocks.

Back to being insane nonsense again, but in a way better direction than Seed. Not convinced this is good but I liked it.

This review may contain spoilers.

It's not every day you find a surprisingly decent entry in a franchise six films deep. Somehow Curse of Chucky manages to almost be the Jason Lives of this franchise.

After the pure nonsense of Seed of Chucky where they threw absolutely everything at the walls and seemingly had nobody to step in and say no; Curse is shockingly restrained.

The whole film takes place in a single location, has a small cast of characters and takes a little bit of time to bother fleshing their relationships out. The camerawork is quite creative at times and the humour picks its moments to rear its head.

There are a few contrivances here and there though and I fucking hate endings where the protagonist gets framed by the killer and gets away with it, but at least its Chucky so he's harder to prove (convenient the nanny cam footage went missing, I guess he took it with him?) I'll begrudgingly give it a small because at least she's in the sequel so it's not one and done like certain shitty flicks out there.

I'd probably put this second or third after Child's Play 2 - not bad.

This review may contain spoilers.

First attempt at being arsed to watch a von Trier flick, it was this or risk Chucky 6 tbh.

The first few murders were quite poor and the wannabee Tarantino dialogue over everything is nowhere near as clever as it seems to think it is. A couple of the later murders won me over a bit, laughed hard at him shooting the kids and his taxidermy attempts but copping out on the big headshot spot was weak as fuck.

The attempt at evoking the likes of Dante and Vergil all felt a bit sophomoric and was all just another attempt to sound deep by saying many words when so little of them hold substance. The final descent to hell had some decent imagery and I think that combined with a few good kills is why I found this a bit frustrating. Because it's almost half a decent film that just never shuts the fuck up and lets things speak for themselves. Large parts of this would have worked way better in complete silence. Really needed an editor going through it and crossing 90% of the words out with a big red pen.

Also fundamentally disagree with the conclusion - bad guys aren't punished, there is no meaning, there is no eternal damnation, nothing you do matters, only the meek suffer, you will receive no cosmic justice from transmundane forces. Jack should have escaped from hades and came back as Kane to fight the Undertaker in Hell in a Cell.

Watched on Thursday May 15, 2025.

The only thing I've ever heard about this flick is that it's a cockroach despite the fact they say its a DNA spliced mantis with a termite 3-minutes into the film. The insect men are pretty fucking cool monsters though and easily the best part.

The rest of it has absolutely wank pacing (Director's Cut btw), slim characterisations, nothing special in the way of plot, mostly a little boring I think. Quite a few contrivances and conveniences are frustrating at times but all of this is nothing next to the fucking annoying kid. What the fuck was his problem? Should have been eaten.

Watched on Monday May 12, 2025.

Watched on Monday May 12, 2025.

When you forget to set Ant & Dec mode on ring doorbell

Watched on Friday May 9, 2025.

Watched on Sunday May 4, 2025.

First several hours are alright when you think the slow burn is building to anything but then the terrible vampire sequence hits and throws the good will out the window. Real dumb action scene and pure incompetence on all fronts. Another thing this flick did that boiled my piss was have no faith in the audience being able to follow along and constantly having to do flashbacks in voice over, basically trying to handhold you like a toddler through its slim narrative clearly frightened that you might not "get it." Really is a poor man's From Dusk till Dawn, which is frustrating because it almost wasn't. The cheesy RnB song about vampires over the credits seals the casket.

Reminded me of classic PC game and awkward evening simulator Facade but with incompetent hitmen added in. When everyone on earth has a mobile phone it's quite bold to have them act completely magically in a film and pretend it's normal but OK. Main dude should get a job playing discount Troy Baker in shitty video games.

This review may contain spoilers.

They really gotta stop letting these "visionaries" get their hands on classic IPs. The OG Candyman is one of the most creative, deep, well written and well thought out horror films around. So when you pitch in the writer's room that within the first minute of this movie, Candyman should literally throw candies at people and the song Candy Man from Willy Wonka should play to kick things off, that person should be met with a cardboard box half-full of their meagre possessions and wished well in their future endeavors.

Unfortunately that's not what happened and instead their bankrupt ideas are actually committed to film in the dreadful Candyman (2021).

Whoever made this did not understand the original on any level and actually reveals that they probably barely watched it at all. In a completely obvious plot twist, they bring back the mother from the first film and she lays out how she knew Helen was innocent and Candyman was the real killer. Except in the original you have to keep watching the whole fucking ending because you get swerved when they unceremoniously dump his fucking hook right on her fucking grave because they clearly despised the dead bitch.

The horror and interpretation of the concept here is juvenile and involves the stupidest bee sting since Vikings season 3. As if you'd wander round with a decroded fucking arm while no one notices for days on end. To give them credit he finally hits the hospital though they do literally nothing to help. You can smell the writer's desperation at having to zoom past this scene as fast as possible as this is exactly the sort of thing modern horror absolutely spits on you the viewer for daring to think about including in their hatchet job screenplays.

Say his name and he appears. No, not Joe Hendry. Not Candyman either. They couldn't even be arsed to put Tony Todd in his own fucking movie until the last one second, but it's just as well because they'd have only ruined his legacy further, RIP.

Comically despicable preachy social justice wanker "white man bad" behaviour on display from these creatives too. The plot of the film is literally about reinventing Candyman to slaughter whitey. And it works and that's a good thing, accordingly. Shamefully racist stuff. No respect for the original at all which is about a million times more progressive and insightful on the exact same subject matter - this is a prime example of twitter political bilgewater infesting the sinking ship of modern cinema with a perfect counterweight to point to how things used to be and why they were so much better. And it's all laid out in heinously typed up dialogue to boot. As if you'd literally steal lines from Jurassic Park for a scene where YOU'RE LITERALLY GETTING SLAUGHTERED BY A FUCKING GHOST.

Please, please fuck off with this crap. Why does it keep happening?

This is the same director as 28 Years Later by the way, so I'm looking forward to another classic being violently disasembled and buggered beyond all belief in the coming years. Fuck off with this shit.

Fairly typical Netflix slop. Nonsense plot, ludicrously bad greenscreened environments, laughable American accents, etc etc. But the main chick was pretty cool and the fights weren't too bad. I'd watch her in a good action flick for sure.

Watched on Tuesday April 29, 2025.

Watched on Wednesday April 23, 2025.

Watched on Thursday April 17, 2025.

I've seen better operas on Super Nintendo.

Don't fucking talk to me.

A has removed this review.

Watched on Thursday April 3, 2025.

Watched on Thursday April 3, 2025.

This review may contain spoilers.

Like I always say: just because a story is predictable doesn't make it bad. It's all in the writing and execution. Here they have a serial killer recorded dead to rights on video camera and arbitrarily decide not to go to the police and instead cover it up for no fucking reason. DUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRR DDUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR DUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR DDDUUUUUUUUUURRRRRR ME MAKE FILM DUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR

I didn't know Neil Hamburger made movies. This is a pretty good one. Main actress is cute, other than that it's alright.

This review may contain spoilers.

Subjectivist cult holds no standards for quality and wants to pump out pure unmitigated dross on a global scale. Tell me if you've heard this one before.

This review may contain spoilers.

Shitty 17 sucks dick.

Films are now at the point where they're so bad they're becoming physically difficult to finish. It's not just a one off anymore after Wicked, Snow White, now this. It's a trend. Literal anti-cinema.

This is a terminally annoying carbon copy of Moon starring Sam Rockwell so just watch that instead.

You might wonder what Bong (now a confirmed hack fraud who accidentally made a couple of good flicks before tarnishing his legacy with this turd) has to add to the concept. The answer is nothing that you want from a film.

He's now the latest in line to out himself as an NTR cuckold fetish director who makes films about being cucked. Much like two other unwatchable dollops of sloppy dog shit, Challengers and Poor Things. Another modern trend that needs to die. Yes, the one thing Moon needed was for Mickey to reject the advances of an attractive young co-worker to go home and cuck himself by letting his wife get fucked next to him . Nobody could have asked for (and didn't) such cinematic excellence in sci-fi escapism.

Next up, evil president Johnald Tump goes off in a rocket to make a planet full of "whites only." But we have SJW casting initiatives so most of his crew are not white. They literally had one job and were so scared of beholders of their own ideology that they failed entirely. The storytelling makes no sense as if the writers thought people would think that they were racist for casting white people to be in the white supremacist's white supremacy group. It's fictional, they're not real. They're in fucking space. Just smacks of inauthentic filmmaking and inability to even commit to the unimaginative slop they manage to churn out. If even the creators of this couldn't give a fuck, why on God's flat earth should anyone else? So you have to put up with cannibalistic Mark Ruffalos gurning at the screen for two hours doing his best impersonation and sucking down space slime in a subplot that was never explained and came out of nowhere. Bet he loved it but I'm not American and literally couldn't give a single fuck about your politics. It fumbles its nonsensical club-footed messaging so bad I might become a Trump er. Did you know we aren't allowed to use words that aren't offensive in England on this New Zealandian website discussing Korean films because it "might" upset a few coddled Americans? Shame because a few of em would have described this flick quite well.

Don't worry though, step aside Mickey whoever the fuck as cunty girlboss wife is here to do martial arts, outrun space vans and become literal president of space instead. She has big teeth and they literally called her Gnasher in the script yet they will have you believe that everyone else are the insensitive ones. You literally named this chick after her fucking teeth! You can feel your brain expanding by the sheer size of big intelligence on display on screen.

Bad movie for dumbos. Should only be viewed by foreign agents being tortured for information.

The killer is just Jason with a Ghostface modus operandi. And the identity completely predictable from the scene the character is introduced.

Stolen crossword joke from Hot Fuzz... Yeah, not impressed with this. It's not as bad as Scream 5 and 6 but it has the same guy in it so you're on thin ice.

Main girl carries around a small metal straw everywhere like an actual sociopath so it would have made more sense if she was the killer.

Every film out this year feels very unfinished. Like when you fill out your homework in the classroom seconds before handing it in. Nice try, but get back to work.

I dunno, I was expecting this one might have been mildly okay but it's kinda shit.

Me in 2095 when haunted furby attacks.

This is full of the sorts of jokes and ideas complete with little 'please laugh' pauses that you and your friends would make up to be in a movie when you were like, 13. Personally we had a guy called peanut man and it would have been a show where a man in a peanut costume goes around the streets interviewing strangers and taking tours of the Jelly Belly factory and such. Then we grew up and peanut man never came to be and the idea ed on to other up and coming entrepreneurs. I think I saw him in that Electric State shit a few weeks back. Needless to say, I'm sure The Monkey was quite the rib tickler to the youngsters that must have made this but it all fell a bit flat on its fat arse to me.

The plot wears quite thin almost immediately and barely anything even happens in the film except the burning question "but what if monkey?" What if indeed. The answer is like, Final Destination 6 or whatever they're up to now. One of the shit ones where nothing makes sense and it can just magically do anything so there are no real stakes and you couldn't care less. You will spend a full hour of this film trying to puzzle out how the dead auntie sold monkey in a yard sale if she was dead and next of kin hadn't been notified yet. Because there's nothing else to latch on to.

He's a deadbeat dad until the kid decides he isn't. Because monkey happened and that's all it takes, I guess.

The funniest part of this was when he first went to see his son and it cut to Elija Wood sitting on the couch awkwardly between him and his ex-wife and I mistakenly thought Elijah was inexplicably playing his son. That movie would have been awesome.

Monkey.

The era of CGI skylines is alive and well it seems, spending millions making what looks shitter than simply sending drone up and taking a picture of outside.

I'm not of the mindset that a film HAS to be a rip off Die Hard just because it has the same premise, nor does that automatically make it bad. But comparing this to Die Hard certainly does it no favours. This takes about 50 minutes to achieve what Die Hard does in five.

It's not a woke girlboss flick either, as some have claimed, because she's shit.

The film is bereft of establishing/connecting shots so almost everything everyone does in the plot seems to be because they're psychic - acting on information they could not have known and were not informed of.

The production and acting is like something you'd see in the back half of a rubbish afternoon drama like Doctors you accidentally catch on BBC2 before overdosing. All naff looking lighting and fake American accents. I still don't know whether Daisy Ridley can act or not but there is a toothbrushing scene for the teeth fetishists, so that's based.

Feels like an AI movie even though I'm fairly sure no AI was involved. Sort of thing you watch and wonder if you even exist.

Oh and we have fictional characters in films pretending to be nostalgic for Avengers bloody Endgames now as well. 🙄

Missed Opportunity: Does not include the song Novocain by BLOXX.

Appears to be a Greenland shark. Nessie is still real though.

China O'Brien.

A lot better than the first one. Like by a lot. Still just decides it's the ending without doing much with it though. Five minutes before the end it could have gone anywhere. Then it didn't. Check out Behind the Mask (2006) instead.

This review may contain spoilers.

Just pointless jump-startles spammed ad infinitum at the end of every scene. Story isn't anything and goes nowhere. Your willingness to try and engage with the film on any level will just be thrown back in your face. You start to think for five seconds that he keeps talking about his heart, asking him how strong it is, etc, so perhaps he's an organ snatcher killing people and harvesting their organs because of his cancer or something, the jump scares could be checking his heart don't give out under duress or something, but no stop. Stop thinking. You've already put more thought into the idea than the filmakers did. But wait, he talks about wolves, wears a wolf mask, identifies with them... associates the main character with hearts - or harts - another word for deer, the natural prey of the wolf, so perhaps they're trying to thematically-- No, stop. You're thinking again. That's not it either. There's literally nothing here to think about. He's literally just an axe maniac and his thoughts, motive and the depth of the film go no further than that. It's simply junk.

I didn't find this bad but this is basically act 1, right? The film thinks it's over but it really ain't. So Bateman takes the evidence to the police and gets a DNA test after this right? And creepy little bitch gets his comeuppance? Finish the damn story.

Saw this pop up on 'streaming' and thought I'd watch it for the memes but there aren't any as it's not even funny bad. It's just sad and pathetic and you feel mortally embarrassed to have been caught dead watching it. All you will find here is pain. If you have any kind of nostalgia or fondness for the original, just never watch this.

It's such fucking trash, mate. No one can act - the main actress must have graduated from the Zendaya school as she has a constant expression of having just caught a whiff of actual human shit.

The songs are all crap and even Hi Ho gets buggered.

The dwarfs are child-frightening potato monstrosities that look even worse than the dwarves in the Hobbit films.

And of course the whole unironic racism angle of the yanks snatching up a German fairy tale and anti-whitewashing it to resemble downtown LA.

It's boring, rubbish, offensive to the senses, ugly scrot rot that should never be viewed by anyone and should never have been made.

Watched on Saturday March 15, 2025.

Funny how people can recognise that this ain't great, but in reality it's just cinema clawing its way back to the level of what was considered below average tripe two decades ago and is actually a better effort than a load of the overhyped scrot rot being sucked off to the moon over the last few years. Avengers Endgame from the same hacks, for example.

Netflix need to figure out quick that the kid from Stranger Things is now older than most peoples mum and stop casting her as a child. Looking a bit daft now.

The Electric State - more like a right state.

This review may contain spoilers.

Imagine your secret recording of your domestic with your abusive wife making you look like a complete and utter bellend.

The dog did it btw.

Life is Strange ass soundtrack but suddenly, Le Tigre, amongst it all.

Probably patient zero for the epidemic of overly faux-Whedon verbiage that ate through 2010s era screenwriting like a plague. Could easily watch this like 100 times though. Bitch is Natasha Bedingfield pilled.

Americans are very bizarre in what they consider "strong language" though. Imagine nearly being expelled from school for saying twat (mispronounced). In UK it's the teachers calling YOU a twat.

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge

Erm sorry, but this years output is absolutely pathetic. Everything I've watched has been shit, everything I haven't watched has LOOKED shit... Absolute disgrace, make something good you fucking wastemen.

1. Godzilla Minus One
2. Totally Killer
3. Anatomy of a Fall
4. Renfield
5. M3GAN
6. The Wrath of Becky
7. The Pope's Exorcist
8. The Super Mario Bros. Movie
9. Past Lives
10. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

...plus 12 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Becky
• Under the Silver Lake
• Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person
• The Hitcher
• Byzantium
• Stray Dog
• One of Them Days
• The Bone Collector
• The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane
• Shiva Baby

...plus 6 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge

1. The Brutalist
2. Novocaine
3. Locked
4. One of Them Days
5. The Gorge
6. Black Bag
7. Inheritance
8. Nickel Boys
9. I'm Still Here
10. Sinners

...plus 20 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge.

1. Rocky IV

   directors cut

2. The Suicide Squad
3. Shiva Baby
4. The Guilty
5. Lupin III: The First
6. Titane
7. Last Night in Soho
8. PG: Psycho Goreman
9. Nobody
10. Love and Monsters

...plus 18 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Add TV shows. serializd full of casuals out here, dawg. Mostly made this to see if I could cheese up a list from the entries available. Not too bad but no Angel or Fringe.

• The New Man in Charge

  L O S T

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer

  Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel (you watch all of them at once!!)

• Mr. Robot_dec0d3d.doc

  Mr. Robot

• The X-Files
• Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
• Battlestar Galactica
• Red Dwarf: The Promised Land

  Red Dwarf

• The End of 'Life on Mars'

  Life on Mars / Ashes to Ashes (You watch them in order!)

• The Making of... Ashes to Ashes

  Ashes to Ashes

• Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars

...plus 10 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge

1. Lisa Frankenstein
2. Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl
3. Rebel Ridge
4. Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person
5. Heretic
6. Azrael
7. Red Rooms
8. Nosferatu
9. Conclave
10. Don't Move

...plus 38 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

This is a complete list of the contents of the box set.

Note that this includes the anniversary clip show That’s Carry On! (1977).

It does NOT include Carry On Columbus (1992) as it is absent from the box set.

As of creation this is the only list on here that includes this particular permutation of films.

Why have I made this list? It's so that you can easily click "Add all films to a list..." or "Add all films to watchlist" if like me you own this box set and don't want to fiddle about adding them all to your collection lists individually!

• Carry On Sergeant
• Carry On Nurse
• Carry On Teacher
• Carry On Constable
• Carry On Regardless
• Carry On Cruising
• Carry On Cabby
• Carry On Jack
• Carry On Spying
• Carry On Cleo

...plus 20 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

The dregs of a dying genre circling a rancid drain in the shower of cinema. Post-2010 only. Ranked by which is least likely to make you want to go cliff diving at low tide. There is no ambiguity: every last one of these is shit.

1. Last Night in Soho
2. The Witch
3. Time Cut
4. The Black Phone
5. The Babysitter
6. Color Out of Space
7. Overlord
8. The Meg
9. As Above, So Below
10. Freaky

...plus 69 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge.

1. The Kid Detective
2. The Lighthouse
3. The Father
4. Parasite
5. 1917
6. Becky
7. Red Dwarf: The Promised Land
8. The Platform
9. Alone
10. Escape from Pretoria

...plus 13 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Justice for Push 2

• Push
• Super Mario Bros.
• I Am Not a Serial Killer
• Godzilla
• Freddy vs. Jason
• Daleks' Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D.
• Gladiator
• Escape from L.A.
• Dog Soldiers
• Black Knight

...plus 11 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind on the soundtrack = GOATest movie of all time

• Excess Baggage
• Wild Things
• Dirty Work
• American Pie
• The Tigger Movie
• Gigli
• A Lot Like Love
• Game Night
• The Lovebirds

Star War = Poor man's BSG
X-wings = Poor man's Viper
Dark vader = Poor man's Cylon centurion
Captain Picard = Poor man's Bill Adama
Rian Johnson = Poor man's writer

SO SAY WE ALL.

• Battlestar Galactica
• Battlestar Galactica: The Resistance
• Battlestar Galactica: Razor Flashbacks
• Battlestar Galactica: Razor
• Battlestar Galactica: The Face of the Enemy
• Battlestar Galactica: The Plan
• Battlestar Galactica
• Mission Galactica: The Cylon Attack
• Conquest of the Earth
• Battlestar Galactica: The Second Coming

I fucking love Jesse Eisenberg!

1. Zombieland
2. American Ultra
3. Adventureland
4. The Social Network
5. 30 Minutes or Less
6. Zombieland: Double Tap
7. The Village
8. Vivarium
9. Justice League
10. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Yes, these based motherfuckers really played Men in Tights for five-year olds

• Robin Hood: Men in Tights
• The Lion King
• James and the Giant Peach
• The Muppet Christmas Carol
• The Secret Garden
• The Railway Children
• Miracle on 34th Street
• The Rescuers Down Under
• Beethoven
• 101 Dalmatians

All the good films came out last millennium anyway

• Phenomena
• Anatomy of a Murder
• Lisa Frankenstein
• Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl
• Blow Out
• Push
• Rebel Ridge
• Candyman
• Picnic at Hanging Rock

...plus 20 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

curated kino from improbable

• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
• Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
• Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
• Donnie Darko
• Casablanca
• Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
• Terminator 2: Judgment Day
• Back to the Future
• Spirited Away
• Jurassic Park

...plus 233 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge.

1. Top Gun: Maverick
2. Watcher
3. The Banshees of Inisherin
4. Emily the Criminal
5. Jackass Forever
6. The Black Phone
7. Everything Everywhere All at Once
8. The Batman
9. Ambulance
10. Orphan: First Kill

...plus 15 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Read it, mate.

• The 13th Warrior
• 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
• Adrian Mole: The Cappuccino Years
• Akira
• Alice in Wonderland
• American Psycho
• Animal Farm
• The Animals of Farthing Wood: The Journey Begins
• The Avengers
• Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1

...plus 126 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

check da notes

1. Scream

   WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette as Dewey

2. Jaws

   Robert Shaw as Quint

3. The Exorcist

   Jason Miller as Father Damien Karras

4. Aliens

   Lance Henriksen as Bishop

   (Close runner up: Burke)

5. The Craft

   Fairuza Balk as Nancy

6. 10 Cloverfield Lane

   John Goodman as Howard

7. The Devil's Advocate

   Al Pacino as John Milton

8. The Fly

   John Getz as Stathis Borans

9. Final Destination

   Ali Larter as Clear Rivers
   ...yes that's her real name 🙄

10. Gremlins 2: The New Batch

    Tony Randall as Brain Gremlin

    (Close runner up: Hulk Hogan)

The fact Hot Fuzz wasn't in the nominations is crooked as fuck. Or Snatch for that matter.

1. Citizen Kane
2. Casablanca
3. High Noon
4. On the Waterfront
5. North by Northwest
6. The Sting
7. Jaws
8. Network
9. The Matrix
10. Baby Driver

the criteria it's so vague, better watch lifeforce

• Lifeforce
• The Super Inframan
• The Wrong Tros
• Withnail & I
• On-Gaku: Our Sound
• Cool Hand Luke
• 3:10 to Yuma
• Bulletproof Monk
• Friday
• The Mummy Returns

From blurst to worst.

1. Guardians of the Galaxy
2. The Avengers
3. Iron Man
4. The Incredible Hulk
5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
6. Captain America: The First Avenger
7. Thor
8. Doctor Strange
9. Iron Man 2
10. Thor: The Dark World

...plus 18 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

No, Unsharted is not on this list.

• Steins;Gate
• Super Mario Bros.
• Mortal Kombat
• PERSONA 4 the Animation
• Pokémon Origins
• Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
• Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie
• PERSONA3 THE MOVIE #4 Winter of Rebirth
• Rampage
• Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Just for a laugh. Obviously I can't any of these so I've placed them based on subjectoid methodology of how I feel rather than the ironclad objective standard to which i usually post. 🗿

1. 10 Cloverfield Lane
2. Guardians of the Galaxy
3. Tangled
4. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
5. The Lighthouse
6. Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods
7. The Avengers
8. Super 8
9. Kick-Ass
10. Mad Max: Fury Road

...plus 290 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

X to pay respects

1. Logan
2. Deadpool
3. X-Men
4. X2
5. X-Men: Days of Future Past
6. X-Men: The Last Stand
7. X-Men: Apocalypse
8. X-Men: First Class
9. Deadpool 2
10. The Wolverine

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Films I think are cool, interesting and worth checking out. No refunds.
Check notes for details, updating this as I go.

• The Kid Detective

  A great little neo-noir, dark comedy, detective story, that asks what would happen when a junior detective in the vein of Nancy Drew becomes a washed-up PI - chasing after his childhood glory years and tormented by the one case he could never crack.
  A stylish production given its low budget and a great multi-layered performance from the lead. Most importantly, it's just fucking funny and mines the premise for what it's worth comedically as well as narratively.
  Check it out if you grew up reading the likes of Enid Blyton.

• Green Room

  Rad little film about a punk band trapped in the side room of a nazi skinhead bar - ultraviolence ensues. Defo a film that sits in the back of your mind with how well done the brutality is. Watch this if you want to see a flick with a proper set of bollocks.

• Lupin the Third: The Castle of Cagliostro

  A wonderfully animated crime caper adventure, starring the world's greatest thief, Lupin III. Easily accessible if you have no prior experience with the series, though the characters are a little incongruent with other entries if you are. Feature film debut of Hayao Miyazaki (still one of his best) so you know you're in good hands.

  Stick with the original Japanese version though, the American dub shoehorns some weird fanfiction romance angle that doesn't really work.

• 10 Cloverfield Lane

  A tense psychological thriller about a girl trapped in a doomsday prepper's bomb shelter. Masterful use of suspense, foreshadowing and payoffs, plus an amazing performance from John Goodman. A really simple film with a script that's actually thrilling and engrossing. Some people nay say the final act but they are wrong - objectively.

• 28 Days Later

  While hugely popular at release, this is one I hear less and less talk of nowadays. Maybe everyone has seen it, but it's a horror classic that deserves another watch.

  I love the striking cinematography and how they managed to make London look like a real abandoned shithole (could have set it in Rhyl, lads!). Helped launch Cillian Murphy's career and he does a great job right off the bat. Despite reinvigorating the zombie craze, it's actually about a rage virus and unlike later attempts, this uses the setting as an exploration of what civilisation means and its impact on human nature.

• Battle Royale

  In a near-distopic future, the government aim to cull juvenile delinquency by throwing a class of high school kids into a last-man-standing death battle on a small island.

  The film showcases a memorable array of weaponry and kills, as well as managing to develop the personalities and relationships of the characters through snippets. There's also an original novel and manga adaptation (the manga is my personal favourite) , but the film stands as an all time classic of Japanese cinema that was ripped off mercilessly by The Hunger Games and evil Hollywood.

  The special edition adds a bit more background and fleshes out the connections of the main characters, though the original theatrical is more than acceptable and probably the version most have seen. Sequel not recommended.

• Evolution

  Sci-Fi comedy from Ivan Reitman. This is the real spiritual sequel to Ghostbusters. When a meteorite crashes to earth, new organisms begin to rapidly evolve and mutate! It's up to Special Agent Fox Mulder and Steve Stifler to save the day.

  Got unfairly slagged because people can't handle jokes about product placement. Rescue this from the memory hole!

• The Road to El Dorado

  Underrated animated adventure about two con-men attempting to find the lost city of El Dorado and vast amount of gold contained therein.

  A great buddy movie (influenced by the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope classics), Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline have outstanding chemistry here and deliver a memorable duo that were sadly robbed of the franchise they deserved.

  Beautiful hand-drawn animation with some ittedly aged CG enhancements at times, but mostly looks fantastic. Banger soundtrack from Hans Zimmer and Sir Elton John. What more could you want.

• Fright Night

  Basically Rear Window with a vampire. When a young horror fanboy believes his neighbour to be a supernatural hellbeast, he goes to his favourite has-been horror actor for help! Cool horror comedy with some neat practical effects and likeable performance from Roddy McDowall.

• Speed

  I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

  Another popular-at-the time flick that has dropped out of conversation. To my mind it's still the best action film of the nineties. Practical stunts and explosions just look so fucking good next to CGI sludge.

...plus 11 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

ill do the rest later, but not enough people are voting first blood

• First Blood
• Fist of the North Star

Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge.

1. Dragon Ball Super: Broly
2. Joker
3. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood
4. Dragged Across Concrete
5. Alita: Battle Angel
6. Crawl
7. Yesterday
8. Shazam!
9. Reign of the Supermen
10. Happy Death Day 2U

...plus 17 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

great googa mooga!

1. Evolution
2. Wild Wild West
3. Super Mario Bros.
4. Lifeforce
5. Godzilla
6. Jason X
7. Hollow Man
8. The Incredible Hulk
9. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
10. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Bag of bollocks

1. Joker
2. The Suicide Squad
3. Aquaman
4. Wonder Woman
5. Shazam!
6. Man of Steel
7. Justice League
8. Suicide Squad
9. Zack Snyder's Justice League
10. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Ranked. Fuck "Not Death Note"

1. Baby Driver
2. It
3. Logan
4. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
5. Dave Made a Maze
6. Brawl in Cell Block 99
7. Mayhem
8. Happy Death Day
9. Super Dark Times
10. John Wick: Chapter 2

...plus 12 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Ranked. Good lord, there was some proper bollocks this year, wasn't there?

At least 10 Cloverfield Lane evened it out a bit.

1. 10 Cloverfield Lane
2. Your Name.
3. Train to Busan
4. The Nice Guys
5. Kubo and the Two Strings
6. I Am Not a Serial Killer
7. Deadpool
8. The Jungle Book
9. Zootopia
10. Free Fire

...plus 15 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

does the scorpion king count?

• Evolution
• Phase IV
• Brotherhood of the Wolf
• Arachnophobia
• Eight Legged Freaks
• Monkey Shines
• King Kong
• Jaws
• Jurassic Park

• The Goonies
• Hocus Pocus
• The Craft
• Return to Oz
• Sleepy Hollow
• The NeverEnding Story
• Jumanji
• Toy Soldiers
• Donnie Darko
• A Grand Day Out

I'd rather just watch the first one nine times instead, tbh.

1. Star Wars
2. The Empire Strikes Back
3. Return of the Jedi
4. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace
5. Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
6. Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones
7. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
8. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
9. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Ranked.
Based on UK release dates to the best of my knowledge.

1. Summer of 84
2. Aquaman
3. Mission: Impossible – Fallout
4. One Cut of the Dead
5. Bad Samaritan
6. Rampage
7. Constantine: City of Demons - The Movie
8. Alpha
9. Creed II
10. I Kill Giants

...plus 37 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
• The Lion King
• Terminator 2: Judgment Day
• Steptoe & Son
• Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
• Jaws
• DuckTales: The Movie – Treasure of the Lost Lamp
• Back to the Future
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

• Cool Runnings
• The Goonies
• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
• Heart and Souls
• Evolution
• Back to the Future
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• Clueless
• Little Nicky

• Fighting Spirit - Mashiba vs. Kimura
• Cool Runnings
• Mortal Kombat
• BASEketball
• Goon
• Kickboxer
• DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story
• Space Jam
• Rocky IV
• The Karate Kid

• What's Opera, Doc?
• Pikachu's Vacation
• The Skeleton Dance
• Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century
• Casque
• Sleepy-Time Tom
• Ali Baba Bunny
• Duck Amuck
• The Wrong Tros

• The Transformers: The Movie
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• Guardians of the Galaxy
• Flash Gordon
• Highlander
• Back to the Future
• Ghostbusters
• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
• Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
• The Goonies

• Vampyr
• The Maltese Falcon
• King Kong
• Invasion of the Body Snatchers
• Gun Crazy
• The Big Combo
• Seven Samurai
• Double Indemnity
• Key Largo
• Casablanca

Is deciphering the voting criteria getting you down? Is what they're looking for too niche or obscured in babble? Haven't seen fuck all to add on this week's list?!

Have no fear! Here are ten handy, all-purpose entries that will get you out of any list-making tight spots!

• The Transformers: The Movie
• King Kong
• Aliens
• The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
• Gremlins 2: The New Batch
• Flash Gordon
• Drunken Master
• Return to Oz
• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
• The Goonies

shout-out to that one cat who jumps out of the bins in every horror movie ever made

• Felix the Cat: The Movie
• The Cat from Outer Space
• Hocus Pocus
• Tom and Jerry: The Movie
• Jumanji
• Alien
• The Lion King
• Garfield
• The Jungle Book
• Alice in Wonderland

• Drunken Master
• The 36th Chamber of Shaolin
• Bloodsport
• Fist of the North Star
• Fist of Fury
• Mortal Kombat
• Enter the Dragon
• The Raid
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Ninja Scroll

• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
• Return to Oz
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
• Dragon Ball: The Path to Power
• Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
• The Rocketeer
• Zardoz
• Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
• Clash of the Titans
• The Wrong Tros

Shout-outs to Dingoes Ate My Baby, Drive Shaft, and of course, Geronimo Jackson.

• Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
• Back to the Future
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• K-On! The Movie
• The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
• Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost
• This Is Spinal Tap
• The Blues Brothers
• O Brother, Where Art Thou?
• School of Rock

• Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
• Gremlins 2: The New Batch
• 10 Cloverfield Lane
• Police Story 3: Super Cop
• Terminator 2: Judgment Day
• Mad Max 2
• Batman Returns
• Mission: Impossible III
• Back to the Future Part II
• Aliens

trying to decipher the utter babble that is the voting criteria, as usual.

• Cool Hand Luke
• X-Men
• The Transformers: The Movie
• Pleasantville
• They Live
• The Matrix
• Boyz n the Hood
• The Truman Show
• Who Framed Roger Rabbit
• Battle Royale

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Ranking the filmography of one of my favourite directors. Only a few notable films I've yet to see, so I'm holding off.

1. The Thing
2. They Live
3. Christine
4. Escape from New York
5. Assault on Precinct 13
6. Big Trouble in Little China
7. In the Mouth of Madness
8. Halloween
9. The Fog
10. Escape from L.A.

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.