2018 Robin Hood-ass production design, except 2018 Robin Hood at least had a little bit of excess (oh me oh my) to move things along. If this had been the movie I stumbled into after consuming an overpriced burger and too much hard cider at the Mall of America food court, I would have had a much, much less pleasant time. Genuinely can’t imagine how a Shakespeare adaptation could be directed worse than this? All is forgiven, Baz.
Gets half a star for the very end—the townsfolk tossing down their own patches to Whitey would be an inspired choice in most any other movie, and it's startling to see something so heartfelt in this acrid context. Everything else ranges from run-of-the-mill to morally abhorrent. And people think Jack & Jill is worse than this? I'll tell you what, that's the dumbest fuckin' take I ever heard of.
It’d be stolen valor for me to call myself a Godzilla fan, but I felt personally insulted on all Godzilla fans’ behalfs watching this. Hell, I wouldn’t call myself the biggest apologist for the 2014 film, but I could still get down with its “let them fight” ethos—and here we’ve got, what, “make them fight”? Unbelievably ill-conceived. Add in disted fight direction (Dougherty is embarrassingly out of his depth here) and one of the worst blockbuster scripts I’ve ever seen…
Not the worst Romeo and Juliet adaptation I’ve watched in the past week, but not the best Romeo and Juliet adaptation featuring the voice of Dame (you’re welcome Evan) Maggie Smith I’ve watched tonight. This would’ve been perfectly inoffensive as a 45-minute animated special, but it’s a tough watch at feature length. No wonder Disney didn’t want the company name on it.
And with that, I have completed my rather stupid goal of watching every “major” cinematic Romeo and Juliet to prep for…
Totally forgot I'd even reviewed this back in 2019, and it turns out I stand by most of it, except the bit where I say Speed Racer is better than The Matrix Reloaded (and that the latter is a "misfire"), and more importantly, the subsequent bit where I say "Jupiter Ascending doesn’t feel like a movie that only the Wachowskis could have made". It's more generic than their typical directorial output, this is true, but that feels more like a…
Liked this ever so slightly more than last time (way back in high school), if only because the book wasn’t as fresh in my mind. I could easily write several thousand words on the deep-rooted problems with Cloud Atlas as a movie, as well as the struggle to reconcile those with its myriad, undeniable successes, but I think I’ve solidified my main issue with the adaptation. David Mitchell’s novel is, underneath all its structural knottiness, not all that interested in being…