A Minecraft Movie

2025

1

Tonight I took part in a mass delusion ritual. I ed a packed house of cinemagoers flocking to laugh at a movie that they've convinced themselves is beneath their goodwill. Every joke, they told themselves was not an intentional act of comedy, but a bizarre mistake worthy of ironic reverence. So they laughed. Y'know, that thing you do when you hear a joke. Not to be That Guy writing an essay on the goddamn Chicken Jockey movie, but I am…

Marjoe

1972

Liked 1

Whooee, look how far the yodeling walmart kid has come.

Lord of the Flies

1963

Watched

don't buy it, these kids don't floss ONCE

Fraud

2016

Liked Watched

This is the best youtube poop I've ever seen.

Joker

2019

Watched

finally!!! nihilists get their own Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

2024

Liked Watched

Mad as only Miller can, if not as satisfying a standalone experience as its predecessor.

But this is less a prequel to Fury Road as it is the first half of a four and a half hour wasteland epic that I'm already getting giddy thinking about mowing down in a single sitting. So, the best part of the movie is an entire other movie... Damning perhaps, but this is my Dune part 1 and 2 and any other opinion is frankly unaustralian.

The Cars That Ate Paris

1974

Watched

A comedy with no laughs, a horror with no scares, and a mystery with no mystery, with man eating cars that eat no men. Teetering on the edge of genius, The Cars That Ate Paris is as inventive as it is unsatisfying.

Sinners

2025

Liked Watched

As we speak Ryan Coogler is striding into a WB boardroom writing SINNERS$ on a whiteboard. Just give him the fucking money.

The Brutalist

2024

Liked Watched

This shit MegaRockedolis

Better Man

2024

Liked Watched

Biopic shit is naff as ever but the numbers utterly embarrass the current class of blockbuster filmmaking, executed with staggering fluidity and phsysicality. YOU WILL BELIEVE A MONKEY CAN SHOOT HEROIN.

Do we NEED a Robbie Williams movie? Wrong question. Unburdened by the legacy of a true generational icon, Better Man can get its monkey handfeet dirty and be a better film than any of them. Still flipping between Angels and Rock DJ in my head half a week later. I feel insane.

A Very Brady Sequel

1996

Watched

still a better Glass arc than Shymalan's

Atomic Blonde

2017

Liked Watched

Don't ask me what it's about, but once you've seen Charlize Theron stab this many people, suddenly nothing else matters. Now I know what it's like to watch a movie as my Dad.