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Two for two. The Philippou brothers feel so untouchable right now.

Didn’t these tech bros get the memo, comedy is legal now!!

Armstrong’s pen still carries some Succession venom, but for his first crack at directing, lacks the visual flair to really bring to life what is 60% guys reading the news off their phones.

Why is the movie where a guy’s dick gets ripped off by a giant magnet more respectful of Tony Todd than the new Candyman

Another crooked jewel on the crown of my favourite ozploitation microgenre "Uh oh! You live here now!"

If I had a dollar every time I saw a movie where some unfortunate sod travels to the arse end of Australia only to find himself unceremoniously stripped of all material posessions and any way back to civilisation, leaving him with no choice but to dive headfirst into a local culture that is as antagonistic to outsiders as it is wildly self destructive. I'd only have 4 dollars, but what shiny dollars they are.

Wake In Fright being the most direct comp, but see also: Dead End Drive In, and (the secretly great, trust me) Welcome To Woop Woop. A smarter man than I could wax poetic about the colonial original sin that rots our country from the inside out, but I just think it's funny when Nic Cage loses his shit.

Saying “it is written” an awful lot in a movie that clearly barely was.

A shaky victory lap that doesn’t scrape the series best, but BOY howdy if this isn’t another RICH text for observers of cinema’s self appointed messiah.

Cruise and Atwell’s whole thing, huh. Fascinating. We come to this place for magic.

Drink up lads it’s good for you

Matched each other’s Freak(y Friday)

As we speak Ryan Coogler is striding into a WB boardroom writing SINNERS$ on a whiteboard. Just give him the fucking money.

When I say “Galaxy Brain” this is of course what I am referring to

Visceral and astoundingly gripping for how little the audience is given to hold onto, but the fist-pumping hormone-charged intro suggests a much more interesting and purposeful film hiding in the margins of Garland and Mendoza’s military exercise. 

Found myself wanting more of the Iraqi family’s perspective instead of the behind the scenes coda we got, awkwardly letting the air out of the balloon both tonally and ideologically.

Takes a moment to acclimatise to its overwhelming digital maximalism immediately after devouring the fuzzy wuzzy analog original. But this is a non-stop parade of insane swings both visually and story-wise. Kind of a necessity for a film following up not one but two genre defining landmarks, both The Major and Batou’s first outing, and its totemic love letter from Hollywood The Matrix.

Filled with glimpses of cyclical influence, scratching the back that scratched theirs first. Exactly the kind of sequel that I wanted to believe Matrix 4 was, though indulgent, deepens and complicates the original rather than just muddying the waters.

In case there was ever any doubt that the movie with a “Weapon Designer” card before the title wasn’t the hardest shit ever.

Constantly making goo-goo eyes at the blend of analog optical effects and primitive CG. And uh, nothing else I swear.

We saw you across the bar and hated your vibe

Solid diversion if a little too convinced of its own cleverness. I may be personally allergic to these kinds of smirking overly enunciated performances. Spies? Sorry I just see theatre kids. Actually no that totally tracks.

Just Liev her…

Watched on Sunday April 6, 2025.

Tonight I took part in a mass delusion ritual. I ed a packed house of cinemagoers flocking to laugh at a movie that they've convinced themselves is beneath their goodwill. Every joke, they told themselves was not an intentional act of comedy, but a bizarre mistake worthy of ironic reverence. So they laughed. Y'know, that thing you do when you hear a joke. Not to be That Guy writing an essay on the goddamn Chicken Jockey movie, but I am FASCINATED by this thing.

Fascinated by this global wave of performative contempt for a movie that, though very very stupid, not only knows exactly how very very stupid it is, but is entirely purposeful in its stupidity. Audiences are arriving en masse to jeer at the cringe parade, never stopping to realise, god forbid, what if all of the awkward line readings, weird songs and goofy visuals were put there by people who actually know what they're doing? If Jared Hess, the director of Napoleon Dynamite doesn't know cringe, who does?

Now, A Minecraft Movie is no Napoleon Dynamite, not by a longshot. It's narratively scattershot, internally sloppy, and its characters range from paper to toilet-paper thin. But it is funny. Frequently. I can't help but despair a little seeing movies fall from an experience to take on their own , to something audiences are determined to beat at their own game. Hess and WB were smart to forego any attempt at genuine pathos or insight when this kind of reaction was inevitable. IP fatigue is hitting hard, maybe the cinematic shitpost is the only move studios have left. 

I can see it all out in front of me. A cynicism arms race. Deadpool's snark has lost its edge, now the next "I Am Steve" wins the culture. Get ahead of the conversation, convince the world you're sitting on a bomb. Now convince them it's a bomb they can't afford to miss. Pick your 5 weirdest line deliveries and by hook or by crook they have to go viral. Follow my lead and god willing, you're the next Barbenheimer. Snow White's veneer of sincerity was its death warrant. A Minecraft Movie is a black hole from which no earnestness can escape. The Rosetta Stone for the next 20 years of box office success and the only thing giving me hope that cinemas will survive so long. Gentleman's 5/10.

Inspired lunacy in fits and starts but goes to show how delicate the ZAZ formula can be. Ambles along without much momentum, and I've never seen a comedy make space for so many sight gags that I, an advanced level sight gag appreciator couldn’t even parse.

Regardless, skeet shooting Beach Boys was life changing. You can hear David Lynch furiously taking notes in the Swedish bookstore. Viva Val!

Best enjoyed w an incredibly audibly squeamish friend who will not for the love of god shut the fuck up at the sight of any red liquid. Cheaper than 4D and waay better for your back.

Would do the exactly same for Amber Midthunder. I’ll eat glass, whatever, I get it.

A Moment of silence for our brave Stand-On-Truck-Until-Fall-Off-Truck-And-Die girls. Good clean old fashioned fun. Not an iPhone in sight. We salute you.

Final stretch ultimately crystallises the proto-Fallen Angels neon opera bubbling under the surface, and infuses Lau’s doomed (and flagrantly implausible but so what) romance with enough weapons-grade sexy-sensitive-rebel yearning to feel like it’s not just the end of the road but the end of the world.

Watched on Sunday March 30, 2025.

The punk new-wave soundtrack draws such a clear line between eras, you really believe that the 80’s was a lifetime ago for these people. It was 10 years. A remake today would have shootouts set to Diplo and declarations of love backed by Avicii. Man, a decade ain’t what it used to be.

Final stretch too inside-baseball for this Aussie but I’d totally watch 32 ⅓ more of these

The Wow Platinum prequel sucked Megacockolis

Seydoux innocent but I have never seen a movie go off a cliff so suddenly. You’ll know exactly what I mean.

Found Fletcher’s Ratched a far more subtle foil than the arch-bitch supervillain that 50 years of pop culture led me to believe. The film is better for it, but people see what they want to see. Interesting.

Watched on Tuesday March 18, 2025.

You know when a stranger’s just so fucking rude to you out of nowhere that you can’t do anything but belly laugh.

Hard Truths is that for 97 minutes. Never gets old. Loved it.

Again for those in the back who’ve only seen the poster. THIS MOVIE IS FUNNY. And comionate. And devastating, and all the rest. But it’s also really friggin funny. Fire your marketing people. Marianne flawless.

Wenham is locked the fuck in. Dude tosses away in a glance more lived-in specificity and depth than anything else in what appears to be a well meaning ABC pilot escaped from iview captivity.

Sad Max

This rules but WHAT is this dialogue mix, someone validate me on this I feel like I’m going insane

Watched on Sunday March 16, 2025.

Peak economical moviemaking. Slow cinema for Beavis and Butthead enjoyers. Fuckin rules. Fuckin Thomas Cruise style.

No Dropkick Murphys??? Yeah fuck this noise

Fitting then that Mickey 17 the high-concept mad-science screwball would eventually split off into Mickey 17 the shaggy proto-DOGE-era satire and Mickey 17: Tulkun Strikes Back, all of which collide in a clumsy third act, disparate identities competing for supremacy when they should be in lock-step fighting the regime together.

Bong has made this juggling act look effortless before. Evidently it is not, but what a swing! Rob really is the best there is, worth a ticket just to see him do his thing. Love to see Toni giving her best "Camille at the Oscars" over dinner.

Cute idea that struggles to sustain a feature. Daggy goofs get plenty of chuckles but I'm not unconvinced my mates could riff about as well. Wish the dub routine and projection booth antics were more tightly interwoven, the swashbuckling climax is a ripper but all too late.

Whoever they got to direct this Martin Scorsese parody really knows his shit. Like spot on.

AKA 90’s HBO character actor bingo. HUGE moment for “that guy” heads.

The fairytale segments pop like little else this side of Jodorowsky, but wear a bit thin towards the middle. All art book glamour, lots of posing, not a lot of doing. Mumbly, scattered, borderline incomprehensible… Untaru is genuinely odd in all the ways we know children to be, but rarely ever are on film. It's a gamble that pays off. An action packed third act brings a welcome jolt of energy but it's her real-world coda that sealed it for me. Muah!

Something of a last hurrah for an era of textured, tactile, practical fantasy, before the wave of rendered spectacle to come. Over and over, Tarsem captures a kind of staggering beauty that you get one way and one way only. Point a camera at something staggeringly beautiful. Obviously.

It's okay to just it that you're jealous of me
You're obsessin', just confess it, put your hands up
It's obvious, I'm your number one

Mythic level messy bitch behaviour. Conclave wishes.

Indiana Yeoh is the best damn thing ever put to celluloid. And then it’s over.

Quickly devolves into dull talky period politicking that I’m prettyyyy sure would be wildly offensive if I knew a single solitary thing about Bhutanese geopolitics. Watch the opening on YouTube then skip.

Every movie should just be this. Every movie should have like 5 separate sequences that make you genuinely fear for the lives of every single actor involved. Every movie should have a chainsaw fight.

Men want one thing and it's Tsui Hark's Tom and Jerry ass apartment

Usually hate the “I have no idea wtf happened in this movie but fuck it 5 stars” crowd but just this once I get you.

Plenty fun but be honest this is like 30% better if you swap Theo and Elijah

Bit surprised we didn't get a little deeper into what makes manic pixie fuckboy tick. Dude has the devil may care confidence, nay, omniscience of a guy who got Groundhog Dayed into getting himself fired, 800th go around and really just throwing anything at the wall now.

If all this gets you hot under the collar, and plenty of Babygirl is plenty hot, consider it a feature not a bug. Still bugged me. Kinda sloppy writing that defenders will flock to call satirical. Unconvinced.

Dracula Flow final boss.

Less a movie as it is one mythical reels pull after another until it gets bored of itself. Not a bad thing. Korine clearly doesn't care if he made a movie or not.

Criterion Channel should have an instant Share To Story feature. Or maybe every streaming service? Free advertising, people! Gonna percolate on this.

Thank GOD Moms aren't real

get a BUCKET
and a MOP

I am in pain!

Decidedly not a horror movie, which is just as well cause I really dug this unconventional family drama until the last act turned around like SIKE this IS A HORROR MOVIE AND THE TWIST IS THAT IT SUCKS. David Koepp hereby banned from writing teenagers.

Many have been calling this Wenders’ most Skibidi effort to date

♫ I THINK THE APPLE'S ROTTEN RIGHT TO THE CORE ♫

50 australian bangers

• The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
• Muriel's Wedding
• Wake in Fright
• Mad Max 2
• Proof
• Strictly Ballroom
• Snowtown
• Babe
• Sweet Country
• Romper Stomper

...plus 40 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• You Can Smoke Anything

  St Kilda

• The Unrequited Life Of Farrah Bruce

  St Kilda

• Period Party

  St Kilda

• Favourites

  Heart of Gold

• Ashes

  Heart of Gold

• Room for One More

  Heart of Gold

• The First Film

  Heart of Gold

• In the Shadow of the Cypress

  Heart of Gold

• ILY, BYE

  SXSW Sydney

• She and Her Good Vibrations

  SXSW Sydney

...plus 8 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

You won't believe how subjective my list is. The most subjective, many are saying this.

• A Different Man
• Challengers
• The Holdovers
• Love Lies Bleeding
• Birdeater
• The Substance
• SPERMWORLD
• Thelma
• The Code
• Hundreds of Beavers

...plus 35 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

filmes that managed to wring a solitary tear from my cold dead heart

• Toy Story 3
• Samson and Delilah
• 20th Century Women
• Walkabout
• Good Time
• Call Me by Your Name
• Cameraperson
• Lady Bird
• Taste of Cherry
• Before Sunrise

...plus 6 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• The Holy Mountain
• House
• Possession
• Tetsuo: The Iron Man
• Meet the Feebles
• Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
• Bad Boy Bubby
• Body Melt
• Showgirls
• Gummo

...plus 5 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Bassendream
• Evicted! A Modern Romance
• General Hercules
• The Big Dog
• Slant
• Birdeater
• Late Night with the Devil

• Altered States
• Roadgames
• Blow Out
• Razorback
• The Return of the Living Dead
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
• Society
• Polyester
• Eating Raoul
• True Stories

...plus 112 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Finding Neverland
• Leaving Neverland
• Return to Never Land

• Avatar: The Way of Water
• Monsters, Inc.
• Bones and All
• Sully

• Shrek
• Glass Onion

• Carrie
• Suspiria
• Altered States
• Roadgames
• Blow Out
• An American Werewolf in London
• The Thing
• Videodrome
• Razorback
• The Return of the Living Dead

...plus 13 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Barbarella
• Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
• Harold and Maude
• Phantom of the Paradise
• Polyester
• Time Bandits
• Eating Raoul
• The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
• Brazil
• Pee-wee's Big Adventure

...plus 22 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

i can be ur angel or ur devil
ranked most foe to most friend

• Shadow of the Vampire
• Spider-Man
• xXx: State of the Union
• Speed 2: Cruise Control
• The Card Counter
• Wild at Heart
• Streets of Fire
• The Grand Budapest Hotel
• Fantastic Mr. Fox
• The Great Wall

...plus 20 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• The Mitchells vs. the Machines
• Bad Trip

skeet skeet

• Parasite
• Ad Astra
• Marriage Story
• Fyre
• Knives Out
• John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum
• High Life
• If Beale Street Could Talk
• Avengers: Endgame
• Booksmart

...plus 24 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Wild Wild West
• Waterworld
• Mortal Kombat
• Super Mario Bros.
• The Return of the Living Dead
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
• Invaders from Mars
• Lifeforce
• Hulk
• Showgirls

...plus 43 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

this says alot about our society

• Dog Day Afternoon
• Taxi Driver
• Network
• Being There
• The King of Comedy
• Brazil
• They Live
• The Fisher King
• Chopper
• Dogville

...plus 8 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

idk idk

• Shoplifters
• Hereditary
• Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
• Shirkers
• The Favourite
• Suspiria
• Roma
• Paddington 2
• Widows
• The Florida Project

...plus 38 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

2017 releases only, that is, released in australia in 2017

this list is wrong, it's fine, i know

1. Call Me by Your Name
2. Get Out
3. 20th Century Women
4. Good Time
5. The Killing of a Sacred Deer
6. Moonlight
7. Ingrid Goes West
8. The Shape of Water
9. Blade Runner 2049
10. Sweet Country

...plus 45 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

all gets pretty arbitary around the middle, i dont care

• Swiss Army Man
• Anomalisa
• Tickled
• Nocturnal Animals
• Hunt for the Wilderpeople
• Zootopia
• Arrival
• Girl Asleep
• Down Under
• Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: One More Time with Feeling

...plus 17 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.