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i had some laughs. i had some beers. try to stop me from having another beer. thats just not gonna work out for you im afraid. thats going to not work out for you im sure of that. lets get one thing straight. whatever you THINK you’re going to get me to do, I guarantee you I WILL do the opposite. Do not underestimate me that will be your BIGGEST regret. You ever run across someone in your life and think “thats someone i probably shouldnt fuck with”. Yes. That me.

This was a crock of shit

“ooooh new korean horror movie”

then you get about 15 minutes in and realize it’s just about government military cyber-dogs 

so on one hand, it’s not The Wailing, but on the other, it’s one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a while.

The whole time I’m just wondering if Frank Grillo was in Magic Mike. Googled it after the movie ended and turns out I was thinking of Joe Manganiello. Also WHAT Steven Soderbergh directed magic mike?????

was not expecting to poo butt ass

I’m sick and fucking tired of Guardians of the Galaxy movies.

normally hate time travel movies but I watch this once a year at least.

there’s only one Bruce I fear more

third act struggles. watcha gonna do, there aren’t many original and interesting ways to end a horror.

been saying nordic people have something up their sleeves for years

M Night still has that dog in him somewhere. You see glimpses of his magic in a couple of the conversations. It just sucks that the dog is missing a leg and an eye and everyone is thinking “is it bad we’re keeping this fucking thing alive? Like is it actually enjoying itself?”

if you feel like you’ve watched every horror movie, don’t just doom-scroll so far you start seeing Lou Diamond Phillips movies. Here you go. Watch this instead.

threw in the towel about halfway through, pretty boring and i dont get how it’s marketed as a horror

I don’t think a movie has come out since this and been funnier

*sniff

(I cock my double barrel shotgun)

“caught ya, weeb.”

Blimey oi fink thehs sumthin in the chube

What’s crazy is there’s another weirdly niche horror movie titled “Creep” that I like even more.

I just can’t stress it enough, ignore any parental advisory or MPAA rating, this movie is for all ages.

idk why i do this to myself

I don’t think this one’s gonna hold up over time

Okay here’s the pitch for the next one. Since the creatures are so dense, they sink. We all know this. BUT, they survived space travel for god knows how long, so… they don’t need oxygen??? Which means… they’re all just kind of walking around at the bottom of the ocean? Right? 

Underwater quiet place. Maybe do an AVP thing and have Quiet Place vs The Meg??? Hello???

I’ll update the review after my 10th rewatch

hillbilly turbo-creep watches girl get re-traumatized over and over a

Go Steelers

This movie is than I wanted it to be.

This movie is far more horny than I wanted it to be.

You know, I really enjoyed it. However, I can’t quite shake this feeling that something isn’t quite right. Not sure what it is.

Cabin in the Woods WISHES.

Better writers would have found a way for the mom to not be trapped in her car half the movie.

It’s been two days and I’ve already forgotten everything about this movie but I’m sure it was fun.

I said I would never this horse tranquilizer dog shit franchise again and here I am dishing out $25 to buy it on Amazon because it seemed like a better move than renting it for $5 less. What the fuck is wrong with me. 

Let’s just talk about Hollow Earth for a second. 

It sounds cool in theory. You go through some miserable portal into the center of the earth and all these miserable fuckass creatures live there. The creatures are supposed to be BIG because Kong from Hollow Earth and Kong big too. Cool. Fine. 

You know what I think is even cooler in kaiju movies? The sense of scale. 

How do you get that sense of scale? Obviously you can do a worm’s eye view of these massive beasts ripping each other’s tits off. 

THAT’S NOT ENOUGH. YOU NEED STUFF IN THE FRAME YOU CAN RELATE TO. HOW DO YOU ACHIEVE A SENSE OF SCALE IN A COMPLETELY ALIEN ENVIRONMENT???

HOLLOW EARTH IS LIKE MOST OF THE MOVIE.

GET ME IN THE PITCH MEETING, LIONSGATE. 

I know a lot of people enjoyed Kong using Mini-Kong as a flail, but such a reward pales in comparison to the tragedy of sitting through everything before that.

"THE RULES ARE SIMPLE. BREAK THEM YOU DIE." 

They really impressed this law upon us then break the rules almost immediately. Should've slow-burned the build-up to breaking a rule but I mean what can they do now, the movie's already out :/

I hyped this up in my mind for so long and it still didn't disappoint.

Did the worms stop in time before they hit the pyramid hello???

At first I was like "that's a pretty big crew for 50,000 viewers" but then I realized it's live and it's 50,000 concurrent that's crazy. Good for them. 

Best part was the intro sequence they did for the exorcism show. 

Worst part was the acting, which made me think like why is the acting so bad in low budget movies all the time? Surely there are good actors that are on the come-up, but that probably comes down to having a casting department. Also if they manage to get good actors at a low cost, they still have to be directed properly. Gotta be editing too, making people look bad So many actors appear awkward because of bad editing. Oh wait it's the writing. The writing was awkward. Just bring a tape recorder the next time you hangout with your friends? Not such a bad idea? Nah I can tell the writer of this movie is the kind of person that would start acting awkward the second they they're recording the conversation. 

Would've been cooler if the demon wasn't so influencer aware.

Late Night With The Devil will probably clear this shit ong god

Might be one of the last times we see McGregor alive

I'm in a good mood tonight so it gets an extra half-star.

can't relate

I love Sam Neill, I love John Carpenter, I love cosmic horror. This just didn't do it for me and I'm wondering if it's because the story is about a book/author and I just can't relate because im braindead/can't read.

A lot of standing around with spears, then getting attacked, then regrouping, then walking, then running, then standing around with spears. I don't know what I expected.

Not as much lollygagging. I guess. There's too much lollygagging. I won't spoil in case walking around doing fuckall is your thing, but by the end I felt a bit cheated. I mean there are inhuman feats of strength like yanking people out of thin air... and then... that?
Highly recommend this movie.

Kevin can say he turned a new leaf all he wants, but that pie looked so dry. That's an ick.

Submitted my idea for a sequel to the director but they said they didn't want to make Roof.

I always mix up Willem Dafoe and Gary Oldman for some reason, but this movie is fantastic. Go Gary.

What a weird idea for a horror movie

You can scoff at the tesseract scene all you want, but that black hole turned out to be so accurate.

Incel: The Awakening

This movie was so fun if you saw it with a respectful audience

I think we were all shocked when they actually cut its head off

Yeah I see those foxes and it's just immediately a no from me. I think they look horrible. It's not enjoyable for me to watch.

"Unfortunately, life goes on: The Movie"